A world of zombies

Authors: David L. & Timothy Tan

It’s tough living in a world full of zombies. People say they’re slow — and I guess they usually are — but slow zombies are no less scary than fast zombies. I mean, is a slow lion any less scary than a fast lion? Crocodiles are slow. They only eat like once a month too. But that doesn’t mean you’d sit next to one.

Most of them don’t look like the zombies you might be thinking of. The ones you see in Western movies — they usually look sorta putrefied. Limbs dangling down, limping and all that. But if you’re into Chinese movies, then you’ll probably think zombies are all pale and stiff, with their arms stretched out in front of them, and hopping around like a rabbit animated using 1990s computer software. Neither of those resemble real zombies in the slightest.

Real zombies aren’t nearly as outlandish — that’s how I’m able to disguise myself as one of them. And they actually smell quite nice. Well, the girl ones at least. Some of the boy ones don’t smell too good when they’re sweaty. I walk past them in disguise sometimes — that’s how I know.